Wisdom. Growth. Acceptance. These are all stepping-stones on the path to finding self-contentment. And once you obtain it, there is nothing like it in the world. When you know what you know and you learn through lessons that come from broken dreams and heartaches, understanding is more than a concept. It becomes a guiding force that delivers the balmy peace of mind you yearn and pray for.
Angelina was born and raised in poverty, almost succumbing to an environment that poisoned the psyche of so many like her. She surged through a steadfast course in the school of hard knocks, receiving high honors for keeping her sanity while enduring her own private hell. A survivor of childhood disdain and scorn, her world had always been filled with volatility, trepidation and insecurity.
With no guidance as she became a woman, she sought solace and comfort in the arms of equally dysfunctional men. She learns that not only does misery love company, but also it thrives on building a fortress steeped in negative and painful woes. Low self-esteem propels her into a pattern of destructive relationships where she is both blessed and burdened with the birth of four children. The love she has for them becomes the blessing, providing the strength she needs to not only endure, but to overcome. The burden comes when she is forced to raise them alone – financially and emotionally.
After trials, tribulations and a series of mistakes the light bulb finally comes on. She begins to understand that being a victim as a child of unspeakable acts should not make her live life being victimized. It should make her a survivor. She learns that she has two choices with the hand life has dealt her; she could either sink under the weight of the madness that engulfed her world, or she could swim to shore and start over.
She chooses to swim. She escapes a drug addict, a religious fanatic and a potential domestic violence situation. She looks back to her past to understand the present, determined to break the cycles that threaten her and her children’s future.
Her heart’s desire has always been to find a good and decent man that would love her and her children. She sat on the receiving end of judgment and ridicule because of her status as a single mother and the stigma that women like her were looking for a man to take care of their children. Even her cousin Tina, who has her own relationship issues to contend with, condemned her as being a “welfare queen” with no real future. Strong, independent and goal oriented, nothing could be further from the truth for Angelina.
Throughout the scary journey she finally finds true love – a peaceful and satisfying love, but it proves to be tainted as a truth about him is revealed. But Angelina has come a long way on her own merits and is unsure if she can accommodate any more pitfalls. As she sets out to live life and experience its vibrancy for the first time after emerging from the “fog”, a blast from her past steps in and stirs up emotions she never knew existed. Angelina is faced with difficult decisions and knows she must tread carefully.
Whatever she decides to do, she knows one thing is certain; understanding who she is, what she wants and where she wants to be brings a placidity that is unsurpassed by anything – including fairy tale images of love. Understanding is serene. It is calming and full of bliss. For the first time in her life, understanding is definitely mellow.
